spare change
Apr. 21st, 2002 11:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prysmicdorkMara has a really interesting entry about relationships, or rather her relationships and so I thought a bit about mine.
Mine, which basically add up to one that went on way two long and one or two others that went no where fast.
I can't ever say I went into any of them thinking, or at least thinking 'do I want to be in a relationship with this person?' It was more like falling into unexpected potholes. Whoops.
I went into them, awoke into them, with an attitude of mixed pessimism and optimism. I wasn't blind to their faults, in fact they rattled around in the background, creeping lines of disharmony, but I let myself think, as I suppose lots of people do, that these faults were only temporary faults.
He'll grow out of it.
She isn't always like that.
Which is bollocks of course. People do change, but changing for the good doesn't really tend to happen unaware, in the dark of night. "One day I woke up and I was perfect". Heh. Sorry, but no.
I still stayed though, stayed connected to them in some viscerally painful way, so that when they swallowed rocks, my stomach got ground up too.
I think you can get addicted to people. It starts in the brain. One day, you have a nice time with someone, you connect and the brain thinks "that was nice"' and you go on about your day. The next time you see that person, you're already open for the connection and it's just that much better. A chemical connection.
Not that this is inherently bad of course, it's basic infatuation and a nice incentive to keep seeing a person as you forge the lasting connections.
It hasn't worked out yet for me though. And I think it's because it's hard to let go of that high, that infatuation, even if the connections aren't happening, or at least not in the right way, but like an addict I keep coming back for more. I think all addicts can tell you drugs are bad, but you know, they make you feel really good too. For a while anyway.
So. Yeah. I guess that's my definition of my romantic style up till now. I'm a recovering addict.
Can you give me a light?
(heh, couldn't resist.)
Mine, which basically add up to one that went on way two long and one or two others that went no where fast.
I can't ever say I went into any of them thinking, or at least thinking 'do I want to be in a relationship with this person?' It was more like falling into unexpected potholes. Whoops.
I went into them, awoke into them, with an attitude of mixed pessimism and optimism. I wasn't blind to their faults, in fact they rattled around in the background, creeping lines of disharmony, but I let myself think, as I suppose lots of people do, that these faults were only temporary faults.
He'll grow out of it.
She isn't always like that.
Which is bollocks of course. People do change, but changing for the good doesn't really tend to happen unaware, in the dark of night. "One day I woke up and I was perfect". Heh. Sorry, but no.
I still stayed though, stayed connected to them in some viscerally painful way, so that when they swallowed rocks, my stomach got ground up too.
I think you can get addicted to people. It starts in the brain. One day, you have a nice time with someone, you connect and the brain thinks "that was nice"' and you go on about your day. The next time you see that person, you're already open for the connection and it's just that much better. A chemical connection.
Not that this is inherently bad of course, it's basic infatuation and a nice incentive to keep seeing a person as you forge the lasting connections.
It hasn't worked out yet for me though. And I think it's because it's hard to let go of that high, that infatuation, even if the connections aren't happening, or at least not in the right way, but like an addict I keep coming back for more. I think all addicts can tell you drugs are bad, but you know, they make you feel really good too. For a while anyway.
So. Yeah. I guess that's my definition of my romantic style up till now. I'm a recovering addict.
Can you give me a light?
(heh, couldn't resist.)
